So yet another day at work, where I was bouncing around on the morning shift. (Which is a rare-as-hell thing for me.) I happen to glance over and see a guy with a case of Bud walking to what I first assumed was the register. But as soon as he looked at me...
Somewhere, in the back of my skull, a little voice cried out "The mother-fucker's gonna run!" And he must've heard that voice too, for the mother-fucker went right out the door and started running.
Now had it been like a bag of chips or some such, I would've never had noticed, or even cared. But a case o' booze, especially right after we got the beer category to FINALLY balance out on the last inventory? No one gets away with that shit with me. So the chase was on! (After a second or two because of the initial shock value of "... did he just do that?" had to wear off. :P)
In all honesty, I don't even fully remember leaving the register, or going out the door, or crossing half of the lot. Apparently the whole XTREME ADRENALINE SUUUUURGE must have kicked my mind off for a second. But as soon it wore off, I saw he had slowed down for some damned reason after getting past our fence that runs along the property line. So I took the shortest route possible and pull off one hellva "Hulk SMASH!" moment by barreling through one of the smaller trees in the landscaping.
Judging on the look on his face when I did this apparently scared the shit out of him, causing him to take off running yet again. Because if I'm tearing up landscaping to fucking catch you, I probably look either pissed-off or psycho. So he heads across the street and goes to run between the houses with me right on his ass. He finally ditches the case between lots, right before something snags my foot, causing me to fall to one knee. He's still going, and there was no way of me getting to him now, so I decided to let him go. I got the beer back anyway.
However, the car wash guy for the day, Patrick, jumped in his truck to head him off on the other street after I started the foot chase. And behind him, since he was getting something else nearby, was a undercover state cop.
Everyone say it now: OH SNAP!
So when the theiving jackass came out on the other side of the block, Patrick and the cop got him. They bring him back to the store while I called the local cops. They came and carted his as off to jail.
Ther's another couple of kickers too. The first was that when the undercover cop and Patrick brought him back to the store, he said he would pay for it.
I told him "... Nooooo. You had that chance and blew it."
The other kicker was that while waiting for the locals to show up, the jackass kept playing "Oh, I’m gonna run! ...No, I'm not." with the undercover cop. Until the cop, who was a head taller and out weight the guy by 50-some pounds, told him he would break the guys legs if he did it one more time. The asshole stopped after that.