So six spark plugs, a rotary cup, the serpentine belt, tire rotation, and a distributor cap: $313. However, I could not do one thing that somewhat needs to get done.
The bearing hubs, which apparently were concocted by the evilness that is a GM engineer, cannot be taken apart to replace just the bearings. Oh no, because you have the ABS sensor and a shitload of other crap, you can only REPLACE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING. And one hub costs about $250, not including labor and tax. I'm going to need two before the year's done.
Luckily, the passenger's side is still in decent shape, so that can hold off until later this year. The driver's side, however, isn't that good. Not "Oh fuck God, let me make it to wherever I'm going..." yet, but getting there. Hopefully until sometime near my birthday, when I can use that money for it.