The noise was the laptop taking a header of the table. Fuck. My glasses had fallen away from the laptop, so they were safe. However, the laptop hit wireless-N card first, utterly shattering it into unusable crud. The laptop is working just fine. In fact, it was still running when I picked it up off the floor.
Still, no wireless. So after work later on, I fish out the old wireless-B card, and pop it in. And... nothing. Come to find out the PC card slot is also boned. Joy.
I'm on the laptop right now, but wired. Which I'm lucky to have a spare rj-45 cord long enough to reach my room from the router. And perhaps it may be time to start saving up for a new laptop.